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You are the Fool card. The Fool fearlessly begins
the journey into the unknown. To do this, he
does not regard the world he knows as firm and
fixed. He has a seemingly reckless disregard
for obstacles. In the Ryder-Waite deck, he is
seen stepping off a cliff with his gaze on the
sky, and a rainbow is there to catch him. In
order to explore and expand, one must disregard
convention and conformity. Those in the throes
of convention look at the unconventional,
non-conformist personality and think What a
fool. They lack the point of view to understand
The Fool's actions. But The Fool has roots in
tradition as one who is closest to the spirit
world. In many tribal cultures, those born with
strange and unusual character traits were held
in awe. Shamans were people who could see
visions and go on journeys that we now label
hallucinations and schizophrenia. Those with
physical differences had experience and
knowledge that the average person could not
understand. The Fool is God. The number of the
card is zero, which when drawn is a perfect
circle. This circle represents both emptiness
and infinity. The Fool is not shackled by
mountains and valleys or by his physical body.
He does not accept the appearance of cliff and
air as being distinct or real. Image from: Mary
DeLave http://www.marydelave.com/
Which Tarot Card Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
lookit all the pretty colours in the card, though. ;) much thanks to the exquisite one for the quiz.
you just have to close your eyes
fall backward
and trust.
Friday, September 24, 2004
blind melon
Thursday, September 23, 2004
better than ezra
i said, screwitall to hell and threw a hissy fit before writing it off as another misadventure. he said, i didn't forget. i'm just trying to do the right thing. i'm not running. i say nothing. he says, talk to me. i'm sorry. can we start over? we met over stories of shoes and long days and friends past, and it seemed like a good starting-over point as any. i say, you've made it awkward. it didn't have to be, but that's how you made it. he says, i didn't mean to. i say, things changed. they weren't supposed to. that's the concept behind a fling - you enjoy the ride and see where it takes you, just make sure nobody gets hurt in the process. but the boy isn't as flingy as your average joe, so he overanalyzes things to death too. then he says it again. i'm not running. i'm staying right here. because i want to.
Wednesday, September 22, 2004
you put in a shitload of hours in a day, but at the end of shift, you still haven't finished heaps, and even though you want to get it over with already, your brain just refuses to cooperate. what also truly sucks is that you know that somehow, if you could just avoid doing useless crap, you could actually use your time doing more productive things, but noooo, the useless crap has to be dealt with (i really fail to see the logic in this, by the way) too.
i need to go on vacay. like a real honest-to-goodness vacay, away from the office in both mind and body. i have this friend who wants to disappear cause he's been seriously bummed lately. me, i just want to disappear for the sake of not doing anything at all. weekends are great and all, but they're just not enough.
i guess this feeling of wanting to get away from work was to be expected. i've been having a blast for far too long, and the idea of having a fun job is a tad bit too oxymoronic for the world.
***
again, the price of getting what you want is getting what you want. dammitall to hell. i don't know if i'm happy i can finally write this off as a fling, or disgruntled because the fantasy's been touched, which leaves it a bit defiled somehow.
on the upside, it's good to know my hormones haven't completely deserted me.
***
by the way, back to being a daywalker, this time with regular office hours. which also means i've joined the gajillion other drivers on the road during rush hour. what fun. what joy. i can hardly contain my glee.
Monday, September 20, 2004
Thursday, September 16, 2004
***
Deep (whatever) , sexual (hardly), isolated (so what?), intense (suuuure), obsessional (no kidding), Machiavellian (puh-leese), destructive (*snicker*), reformer (why bother?), nonconformist (who? me???), occultist (right), magician (*zap* you're a toad!), violent (who wrote this???), neurotic (you think?), fanatic (weeell...), underground (???), demonic (does that mean i'm horny?), aggressive (just a tad...), free (thanks, i didn't know that), revealing (wha...?), searching (for what?), researcher (s'long as it isn't for school), introspective (overanalyzer, i think the term should be), loner (sometimes lang), enterprising (nuh uh), creative (*pats back*), detached (only if you're not worth it), mystic (anyone want a hula from madame chuck?), transformative (more than meets the eye!!!), regenerative (cut off my tail, i grow a new one, wanna see?), occult.
All the zodiac signs are complex and interesting, but probably none more so than secretive, dark and sexual Scorpio. Scorpio and the placement of the other planets in the 8th house that it rules can create quite distinctive patterns and characteristics, in physical, mental and spiritual terms for the Scorpio ruled person.
The fixed female water sign Scorpio rules the 8th house of the zodiac, which deals with death, sex, inheritances, legacies, secrets and investigations. The water in which Scorpio dwells is very deep, that over time proves to be a relentless power that wears down even the hardest of people or things. But being a water sign also makes these individuals rather sensitive or intuitive too.
The fixidity of Scorpio is represented by ice. This can mean an icy heart that is not easily melted, or that keeps the truth hidden and does not allow others to penetrate within the hallowed halls of either their personality or love.
There is said to be a trinity within the Scorpio domain, as she moves from one phase to another, she becomes manifest as certain types of Scorpio, for they are not all the same! The first phase of Scorpio is the scorpion, who exercises her power through a sheer instinct for survival, kill or be killed. The second phase is the eagle that uses the power of her intellect to get what she wants (pilosopong brat, i like that). Lastly the dove, the final phase, where icy waters have been melted, perhaps through love or death, and where she can at last give love and be at peace. A Scorpio can be any one of these, or move through the phases over a lifetime.
Not to be forgotten however, is the representation of the spider, who most assuredly shows quite clearly how Scorpio lures her prey into being transformed by her power. At her manipulative best she weaves her web and waits patiently (now this is definitely so not me).
Because of the secret nature of Pluto, the ruler of this sign, Scorpio is the most likely of signs to be swayed by the dark side. But is just as likely to be pulled into the light, albeit kicking and screaming most often, for they find it easier to merge with darkness than light and can give in to long periods of brooding or depression. Though often they have to give in to the lighter side of life, it is usually only in the short-term, in order to achieve a long-term goal or objective they hold dear.
What you see is very often not what you get with a Scorpio, they are like an iceberg, with most of their true selves hidden under the cover of a blanket of ice (my ass. what you see is what you get, baby.). This makes it very difficult for others to truly know them. They love mystery too. This is surely the sign of James Bond, the Mars-Pluto ruled spy, who has a licence to kill, and skilfully manipulates beautiful women into making love to him with his charm and allure! (not sure if i'm really into the whole "beautiful women" thing, though. i was straight the last time i checked. honest.)
They are driven to find out, to investigate, to tenaciously do what they feel they must do to get what they have chosen to get (see, i knew there was an explanation for my tendency to disregard other people's advice!). It doesn't really matter what it is, it is the energy behind it that makes all the difference with a Scorpio. They share their dogged gnaw at the bone behaviour with the other fixed signs of Taurus, Leo and Aquarius, all of whom can keep an eye on the goal or aim like no other.
Transformation, of one kind or another, is usually a key issue with lots of Scorpios. Whether this is through birth, death or sex, they seem fundamentally concerned with rites of passage in more ways than one.
They are extremely sensual, sexual, passionate animals (moo!) and can be incredibly ardent (spoil and be spoiled, that's what i think), yet they also have a sensitive side to their nature (that's true, gedemit!!!) that is uncovered when they find the love of their life, or people whom they trust completely. Eroticism is also one area where Scorpio excels. Yet they are rarely promiscuous (not sure if i want to laugh now), and tend to go from love to love (sounds familiar?) , rather than have many strings to their bow. But once you've earned their trust more than one will tell you the one about the night they too walked on the wild side! But usually they value depth of commitment and give it too (ha.ha.hafuckingha.).
Pluto also rules money. The Greeks gave us the word plutocracy meaning a class of people who rule by virtue of their great wealth. You only have to look at Bill Gates which is a Scorpio, to see how that works. Control is the keyword (but it sure as hell isn't mine).
A lot of Scorpios can be associated with large international companies or financial institutions because they know that where there is power there is wealth, for they believe that the two go hand in glove. Many Scorpios are wheeler-dealer types who work in finance, stocks and shares. They can hold extreme views about money and power too, and not only dream about it, but dare to make that dream a reality in whatever way they can.
Do not ever try to deceive a Scorpio, for if a transgression is discovered the Scorpio will do all in his or her power to make you regret the day you were born! Such is the fixed will that Scorpio has. They can be jealous, even though you may never know that, and will demand unswerving loyalty in return for theirs. If you find that your friendship, love relationship or business partnership has ended don't ever expect a Scorpio to look back, for they know only too well that what has happened will undoubtedly be for the best. They realise that it is a transformation or a transmutation and they will move on to the next thing. A rejected Scorpio is not one to forgive or forget, ever. It is very easy for Scorpio to move on (again, i don't think i'm the right candidate for this.). But many have to choose between the power of love and the desire for power.
They can have almost psychic powers about other peoples motives and seem able to see secrets no matter how well hidden they may be.
Intelligent (i likee), discerning and charming (*boo'ful eyes*), the Scorpio is a person who can be trusted and can be counted on not to gossip (but, dammit, good dirt is good dirt!). But if you miss a Scorpio when you call them, it doesn't usually concern them for they believe that it'll be your loss not theirs. They are too busy doing their own thing to worry about others. Out of sight out of mind is very often their catch phrase. That's one of the negative aspects of Scorpio.
Scorpio can seem reserved even distant, yet there is an air of magnetism that shimmers around them. They seem to be the ones who have that certain something about them that defies explanation. They don't need to be extremely good looking, though they often are, as it's the energy around them that attracts.
Scorpios at work enjoy autonomy and like to be in control. When they are not it can cause them a fair amount of spiritual angst. They are usually attracted to positions where they can lead or are alone and often gravitate to having their own business. Irrespective of how long that may take them, the Scorpio person will wait patiently until the time is right to make their move (pththththththt!)
Investigative journalism, finance, research, scientist, underground workers (such as miners), analysts and pathology are all examples of occupations that may best suit a Scorpio. But any position or business will suit provided that they feel they are achieving something by their efforts. They can be incredibly exciting and stimulating people to work for and with.
Scorpio rules the reproductive organs, and the tail end of the digestive system. They can be plagued with ailments of these generative organs. Scorpio also regulates the menstrual cycle and certain bodily secretions. These rulerships all connect to create sexual desire and fertility so that life can be born anew.
Negatives:
Hates people who drop in uninvited, can be sadistic and cruel with verbal rhetoric, can be incredibly intolerant of human failings, are quick tempered, has a large ego (!!!), is distrustful, ruthless in getting to the top, judgemental, critical, manipulative, vindictive, uses people to get personal power or gains, moody, secretive, hides emotions in public, suspicious, can be self-destructive and prone to bouts of darkness and/or depression.
gedemit.
not only did i not finish every single one of my reports, i had to fucking go down 28 flights in 3-inch wedges. it wasn't enough that i felt like ick the entire night and was planning on calling in sick tonight - oh, no. i can't, because i have too much shit to finish.
SONOFABITCH!!!
so i'm going down the stairs, grumbling to myself, trying to block out the panicked whinings of the others, having a stabbing headache, when i start thinking, if another quake hits and some shit falls on me, i'd probably be crushed to death. the probability of finding my dead ass within the first day would be nil, which means that by the time i get my funeral, i'd be leaving behind a nasty decomposing corpse.
and then i started thinking, if i did go (highly unlikely, i then argued with myself, with what they say about masamang damo and all), i'd probably go straight to hell. not only that, who'd take care of the crap i leave behind? not that i'm scared of dying, per se. i just have too many things to take care of right now, which is why i really have to stick around and finish everything.
on the other hand, however, there is really nothing i regret doing when push comes to shove. sure, i've fucked up countless times over. you'd be a bleeding hypocrite if you told me you haven't in one way or another. but the moronic things i've done with are things i can live with, y'know?
this whole thinking-about-my-mortality (segue -- how freudian - i actually slipped there and wrote "my morality" at first) is bullshit. i don't like it. the arrogance of youth dictates that i think i'm going to live forever, after all.
but it's there.
Tuesday, September 14, 2004
Thursday, September 09, 2004
then toosh says something so right on that i just had to take note of it for posterity.
"i'm intelligent. but i'm drunk."
maybe it's a "you-had-to-be-there" kind of thing (or you-have-to-be-chuck, i dunno). i'm pretty sure the alcoholics get it, though.
what's the point of this? nothing, really. read the tag, baybee. I LIKE KWENTO.
much thanks to deardear wiffy for the cds. let's drink to that!!!
Wednesday, September 08, 2004
*sigh* okay, okay, stop saying you told me so.
I'M BAAAAAAAAAACK!!!
source: http://sinfest.net
thanks to cwiff for the strip. ;)
Thursday, September 02, 2004
g*******0: you mean your LALAKE?
c********1: ssssh
c********1: dont make me laugh
g*******0: LALAKE
g*******0: LALAKE
g*******0: LALAKE
g*******0: LALAKE
g*******0: LALAKE
c********1: stop it stop it
g*******0: LALAKE
g*******0: PAPA
g*******0: PAPA
g*******0: PAPA
g*******0: PAPA
g*******0: PAPA
c********1: eeeeeeeeeeew
c********1: gross
g*******0: LALAKE! LALAKE! LALAKE! LALAKE! LALAKE!
c********1: stop
c********1: hahahahaha
c********1: YOU'RE BAD
g*******0: :-D
g*******0: ang bagal naman niyan...tell him tama na pakipot :-P
g*******0: SSSHHH....
g*******0: BUBULONG NA LANG AKO
g*******0: LALALKE
g*******0: LALAKE
g*******0: LALAKE
g*******0: LALAKE
c********1: shoosh
g*******0: w=-Ow! what concern :-P
c********1: quiet
c********1: :-)
g*******0: big boy na yan...di na kailangan ng 8 hours sleep
c********1: of course he does
c********1: shhhh
g*******0: ata girl! put your foot down and don't be a pushover! let no LALAKE argue over your logic :-P
c********1: :-)
g*******0: oh yan ha...supportive na ako sa yo :-P
c********1: STOP IT
c********1: thank you
c********1: hehehehe
c********1: tama na please im going to get in troublwe
g*******0: yup, may wrong spelling ka pa
g*******0: :-P
c********1: ssssh
g*******0: aha! keeping secrets so early in the day...not a good sign :-P
c********1: quiet!!!
c********1: i cant trell him what you're telling me no
c********1: ^tell
g*******0 is idle at 10:24:48 PM.
g*******0 is no longer idle at 10:31:59 PM.
g*******0: andyan pa rin yan? :-P
c********1: uh huh :-)
g*******0: hmmm...told ya, quit the small talk and get direct to the point :-P
c********1: ayaw
g*******0: YOU LIKE HIM!!!! :-P
c********1: of course i do
g*******0: ako na kakausap para tapos na yan...put you out of your misery :-P
c********1: pls dont :-)
g*******0: i will tell him na nga that you like him eh
g*******0: he's medyo slow ha :-P
c********1: torpe
c********1: pththt
g*******0: CHUCK'S IN LOVE!!! :-D
g*******0: eh kung eprot yan...forget it!!!!
c********1: wats eprot?
g*******0: eprot -- torpe spelled backwards
g*******0: :-)
g*******0: duh
g*******0: :-P
c********1: ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh
g*******0: baby pa ata yan eh :-P
c********1: nuh uh
c********1: older than me
g*******0: NOPE! HE'S JUST MAKING EXCUSES TO TALK TO YOU SINCE HE IS SO EPROT :-P
g*******0: older than you? boy! now that's more pathetic...BWAHAHAHA
c********1: shhhhhhhh
g*******0: EPROT! EPROT! EPROT! EPROT! EPROT! :-P
c********1: shhhhhhhhhhhh
c********1: meaniemeaniemeanieeeeeeeeeeee!!!
c********1: :-)
c********1: he's nice
g*******0: i never said anything about him not being nice
c********1: just frustrating as hell
g*******0: i merely echoed what you said about him (ie torpe) :-P
c********1: dont know if we;re going out or not
c********1: sobra!!!
g*******0: well, if he is eprots, then it can be frustrating
g*******0: where did he study?
c********1: ** *****
c********1: for college
c********1: *****r for high school
g*******0: boy! deadly combi
c********1: why?!?
g*******0: basically a hybrid of jesuit and ******** education...not good
g*******0: :-P
c********1: okay
c********1: you're scaring me now
g*******0: he got the worst of both worlds...BWAHAHA
c********1: :-(
c********1: wah!
c********1: but it's okay
c********1: if it works out, k lang
c********1: im just tripping over the whole thing
c********1: :-)
g*******0: what makes it worse is he is a friend of r*****
c********1: well
c********1: his kabrakada is r*****s cousin
g*******0: doesn't change one bit
c********1: ^kabarkada
c********1: he's a lower batch than r******
g*******0: r*****'s cousin shares the same bloodline
g*******0: so it's basically still from the same root
c********1: *****'s nice
c********1: medyo bolero nga lang
c********1: but nice
c********1: maalaga din, kinda
g*******0: kaya nga worst of both worlds eh...
c********1: hehehehehe
c********1: super good boy though, its driving me crazy
g*******0: *****r/a***** boys are bolero, while l* s******s are good at "flirting"
c********1: ** ******** are boys next door
c********1: they're the ones you go out with after the a******s break your heart
g*******0: not necessarily true...with me as an exception of course :-P
c********1: the ones that i met are like that
g*******0: the boy next door image is the better side of the ** ******* world
c********1: hehehehe
c********1: ahhhhhhhhhh
c********1: meaning???
g*******0: that's why i was saying worst of both worlds
c********1: ** ******** are gago?
g*******0: pero mas gago ang a*******
g*******0: hahaha
c********1: true
c********1: but ** *******s take care of their friends na girls, i really noticed that
c********1: thats why they're nice
g*******0: yup, then a******s come in and start abusing them
g*******0: :-P
c********1: nuh uh
c********1: hehehehe
c********1: BAD BAD BAD!!!
g*******0: i had a friend from st. s***, she broke up with my classmate in high school and then eventually went out with this a****** from the same batch...two years later, she went back to my classmate...the a****** asked her to get off his car in the middle of edsa because they had a fight and left her there...next time they met, the guy started calling her as "high maintenance" and threw her a bunch of receipts he collected from their dates and gifts he gave her
g*******0: true story :-)
c********1: what an asshole!!!!
c********1: what's the guys name???
g*******0: let's not get into that...i've already trampled on him :-)
***
conversations with my boss. once again, i love my job. i love the people i work with. this shit is the bomb.
journey
***
so i'm starting to overanalyze things to death, again, right? just when i told myself to hell with everything, i was just going to enjoy this crush and all.
and i am. enjoying it, i mean. the boy's a trip and a half. it's disgusting how i can't stop smiling because of him, but who am i kidding? i wouldn't have it any other way.
it's just...the heart, yknow?
and i was thinking about what being faithful was supposed to be all about. and i realized, i don't really know jack about that. because when it was good, i was there to enjoy the ride, but when i couldn't deal with it anymore, i walked. sure, i had reasons. sure, we had our problems.
it's just, you think at one point, this is the guy i'm going to marry, the one i'm going to spend the rest of my life with. and i honestly believed that. i believed that not so much because i wanted to, but because no one else came close to him. i've had the madly passionate affairs, the ones so intense they change you forever, but what the heart and i had (have?) was different. it was home in the truest sense of the word, and i really don't think i'll ever find that with anyone else.
i walked then, but i really did think i was going to go back to him, after we figured out how to fix our differences.
now i'm not so sure.
***
i'm not very good with this guilt thing. i've only just developed a conscience recently (there, i admit it, i do have one). cut me some slack.
Wednesday, September 01, 2004
