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neil gaiman, parliament of rooks
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on the tenth, he did. he decided he didn't want some german-made breathing apparatus to do what he was determined to accomplish on his own, and he made it happen. eyes twinkling, he used his pen to point at the entry in his notebook. I WON. (name deleted) bulok.
you should have seen him. he was so proud of himself. and i was so proud of him. here he was, scared as hell, stressed out from having being intubated, probably frustrated from the baby pap they've been feeding him, but he was so intent on getting better it made me bust into tears (again).
a week later, he's still in icu. still struggling, still trying to understand what's going on around him. but still very much determined to beat this. here i am, getting depressed and frustrated because i don't see any improvement - we still don't know when we can finally take him home - but he's not allowing it to dampen his spirit. he's still fighting. and he's still being my daddy, concerned about my mommy, me, about his other daughters, making sure we're okay, that we've been getting enough sleep and food.
i should be so lucky to have both his will and his heart.
***
biomom and i stooped to bribing daddy with cake and icecream. we go, daddy, as soon as you're off the tube, and as long as your doctor says you may, we're going to buy you the fudgiest chocolate cake and the creamiest chocolate icecream you've ever had, okay? but you have to get better first. his face lit up, and he nodded. i wouldn't be surprised if he'll do ten million times much better come monday.
okay, so i've been gushing an awful lot about my dad. big deal. give this daddy's girl a break.
***
been on indefinite leave from work. not to mention semi-incommunicado from the world (sorry, everyone). i've been crashing at the hospital for the past two weeks, ferrying between there and the house, and frankly, i'm exhausted. everyone is. the family's lives have been put on hold by this, but we're not complaining. we've started sniping at each other, and i have a feeling one of these days we're going to end up in one major catfight: sisters against sisters against daughters against nieces against mothers against titas, all pulling each other's hair and hurling god-knows-what at each other in an effort to vent off a whole shitload of steam. but when push comes to shove, as long as daddy gets better, then it's all good. it's just the stress of everything that's been building up, i suppose.
of course, no work means no pay, which means that i will go back to being a useless bum scrounging bucks off of my 'rents. ah well. here's hoping i scrounge enough to pay off my credit card.
***
gotta tell you, though, icu life is depressing as hell. i don't know how the nurses and doctors take it. just the other day, there were two groups of wailing people in the viewing room (note to self and to everyone else: in the unfortunate event i end up in the icu, screw anyone who treats me like a zoo animal on display. ain't nobody going to see me intubated, hooked up to a machine, MAKEUPLESS, and wearing that godawfullyugly hospital gown). mommy, biomom, and i were on our way out of the viewing room when we came across the crying crying, and naturally, my two moms (being the usiseras that they are) stop in their tracks to look at whom the people were crying for. i was mortified. there was nothing subtle about them peering into an absolute stranger's room just to see what was going on.
again, if that shit happened to me, i will more than gladly spend the rest of my afterlife haunting with useless kwentos the fuckers who usisera'd me. just so y'all know.
***
get well soon, shiro. mwah!
***
Wednesday, June 08, 2005
much thanks to everyone who's been praying for his recovery. he's still in the icu (he really doesn't like it there, mostly on account of the fact that there's no tv and his radio can't pick up his favorite am station), but it's starting to look better. his sense of humor is back (my poor poor airpreggy daddy - he's been complaining why his nurses have been boys. he may have a point. what's the use in being sick if you don't have hot young female nurses tending to your every medical need?), and i'm hoping we can take him home by next week.
***
just before the big scare, the 'rents celebrated their fiftieth, and it was truly the most awesomely beautiful thing ever. it almost made me believe in marriage.
***
the panget showed up at the party in a barong with my boy jump. i swear to god, i don't know what it is about the barong, but it really does make men look yummier. *grins like the little rascal that she is*
yummyness aside, he's been great. a total rock. i've been so shellshocked the past couple of days, the fact that he's been there for me to totally lean on was absolutely heartmelting.
so what if he has this tendency to hit on jump? at least i know he'd never leave me for another woman, right? and it's not like i can get jealous of my bestfriend (am way purtier than jump, and we all know it. his lashes ARE longer, though. hmpht.). besides, if you think about it, i may lose my boyfriend, but think about it - i get two new fabulously gay bestfriends! wahoo!!! what a winwin sitch!
screwiness aside, i'm so loved and taken care of by this one (the panget, not the jump), and it just blows me away. i should've tried this one on for size years ago.
***
Friday, June 03, 2005
Wednesday, June 01, 2005
You Are The Wayward Heart
"Feel Better."
You are best described as 'Emotional Support'. Anytime an emotional issue comes up or something stresses people out, you are there to help them feel better about it. Whether you are the prankster of the bunch, the funny one, the wild one, or just the shoulder to cry on - your traits favor what it takes to keep people going. You like large groups of people and have many friends. When something hits home for you, however, you have a hard time with it. You also have difficulty paying attention or focusing on one thing. Above all, though, if people are happy, you are happy.
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