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i canna take anymore, cap'n!!!
common sense is saying that i should just mark everything that's obviously a forward and hit the delete button, but nooo. i have to go through each and every one of them (except for spam - i only do that when i'm truly bored).
am awfully tempted to put this off for another day again, but what good will that do?
i need a nap.
***
and then one day you laugh out loud in unfeigned delight and everything starts to become bright and sunshiny again and you're not quite sure how you've managed to get from where you were then to where you are now but face it you don't want to look this gifthorse in the mouth heck you'll take what joy you can get so all you can do is be grateful that the world stopped being such a crappy place, even for just a little while.
that's god right there.
the same one who made the sky, yellow roses, sleeping babies, puppydogs, rainbows, impossibly cheery heartsongs sung all day, beer, and chocolate.
you just have to hold on to the faith that it all works out, somehow. not all the time, maybe, but often enough.
believe.
Monday, January 30, 2006
just feel better
performed by steven tyler and carlos santana
written by jamie houston, buck johnson, & damon johnson
from the album all that i am
i've really had enough of this. it doesn't seem to matter what i do...or what i undo either. everytime i try to leave that stupid island, i do something wrong...and i wind up shipwrecked here.
so i go back.
i've got to, don't i? to start over. to build my raft again.
but it gives me such a weird sad feeling, undoing does...
everytime.
like i've just thrown part of my life away.
like a little piece of me has turned to stone.
tim hunter
the books of magic: reasons to be stone
john ney rieber
***
what do we do when we fall off a horse?
well.
we get back up on our own two feet.
kick the crap out of the stupid goodfornothing beast.
and then find something else to do that doesn't involve ending up buttfirst in the muck.
***
i've finally finished dragon quest IIX: journey of the cursed king, and it was nice. turn-based attacks, an alchemy pot, a dancing girl who occasionally dresses up in a bunnygirl outfit and dances for her party's hp (such a teamplayer!), a puffpuff house for the big boys, and a thug who does the underpants dance - i loved it! though not enough to play it all over again, aparently, which is why i've been engrossed with magna carta: tears of blood for the past few days. s'okay, i suppose. the camera angles are crap and the opening song sounds like it belongs to a poorly dubbed cabletvchannel soap opera, but the fight sequences are pretty kickass and the storyline's fairly interesting. except that lately i've been dying at the hands of the same shitheel and his familiar for the past 5 reloads, so i'm going to take a break from that for a little while. watch a little telly or something. i should actually be going through my email, but i was up to 250 at last check, and just the thought of wading through all that is making me a teensy weensy bit lazy. most of it will prolly be spam anyhoo. i mean, how thrilling is it to be told that, yes, i can enlarge my penis, with a little help?!? (if anyone's emailed me anything important over the past two months and expected a reply, i'm really sorry, but you should've either called or texted.)
speaking of lazy, i haven't posted any of my new year's resolutions yet. seeing as yesterday was chinese new year, i really have no more excuses for delaying turning over a new leaf.
ah, who am i kidding? who needs excuses when you're as admittedly flaky as i am?
mind you, there's still a slight chance i may keep some of them. there were 50 all in all, after all, with that many, i'm bound to accomplish the machine gun effect and hit at least some of them.
*winks* we'll just have to wait and see.
***
oh. i have a new addiction in graphic novels. the series is called fables, by bill willingham, published by dc vertigo (who could do no wrong in my book until they came out with the witching, which was crap. still, they've got more hits than misses, so i still lurve them). it's very very very very nice. it's about a bunch of fairy tale characters who live in new york city, living and adapting to the mundy world whilst dealing with their own battles and problems (prince charming, who's been married to snow white, briar rose, and cinderalla in succession reminds me of a certain little prick, and i'm so in love with bigby wolf). go check it out.
and just because i am a nice person, i will tell you about the little comic book kiosk i found in robinson's east that, by far, sells the cheapest graphic novels i've seen here in the city. i spent less than p600 on fables 3. their selection isn't all that huge, and they don't accept credit cards (not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing for me), but for the price difference and the fact that it's so near my house, i'm pretty happy i found it.
***
wan liddle two liddle chee liddle injans...
god bless the heart for being my little ray of sunshine. that sweetheart just brightened up my day like nothing i've ever seen.
***
current big dilemma: to spend or not to spend on a pair of pink suede loafers that prolly won't look as cute in a month's time when it gets all mucky and dirty and old as suede is wont to do but looks so adorable right now and are really totally comfortable on my feet and goes particularly well with the pink suede flufftrimmed bag my mother got for me PLUS THEY'RE ON SALE WHO CAN IGNORE THAT but like i first said they're suede and won't look nice forever?
hee.
sometimes it's the greatest feeling in the world, being so babaw. it certainly does the job of keeping your mind off other things that shouldn't be thought about in the first place.
***
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
i threw a tantrum, disappeared, and then the boy offered to take me shopping (smart one, he knows i can't say no to this). i threw a ginormous hissy fit and washed my hands off the man (as well as purging my phones of his number) - now he's back with a vengeance, admitting how he's fucked up (see? his fault, not mine), promising things will be different from now on.
it's all very nice for the ego and for kwento, really, but my head hurts.
i had a very good reason for walking away this time, a reason i never had before, and i'm trying to hold on to the memory of that, but the man is awfully persistent, and i've always been putty in his hands. this whole staying away resolution is working fine and well for now, but if he doesn't start waning anytime soon, he's going to wear me down.
gahd.
to quote meg in disney's hercules: YOU THINK A GIRL WOULD LEARN!!!
si chuck talaga...
***