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Also known widely as the Fire Bird, the phoenix is a profound symbol of life and rebirth. It has a life cycle of 500 to 600 years and after that amount of time, it sets itself on fire and dies in the flames. Then, after three days, it rises again from the ashes. It is a completely benign creature who lives in dew. It is said that the phoenix has a beautiful melodious song which grows ever more mournful as its life comes to an end. It is also a symbol of the sun and immortality.
blech. just a spoonfull of sugar may help the medicine go down, but it's not a very delightful experience. honest.
but hey, as long as it works, i will down this entire bagful i have with me right now.
***
of course, there goes my beer with a straw...
much thanks to the birfday girl for the cohlahjeee.
***
happy birthday to my wonderful wonderful sister mimi!!! i love you oh so very much from the very bottom of my chuckheart!!! you've been such a wonderful sister and a kicka$$ friend and i'm so blessed to have you in my life! MWAH!!!!
Friday, May 26, 2006
you're selfish
you want me to share?
no
then you're all mine
warm glow spreading inside, like a cup of hot chok'lit on a blistery freezing day, starting in my tummy and ending in my toes.
this is how it should be.
this is why i should behave.
this is why i have to stand strong.
***
wait, did you hear that? that is the sound of a collective snort of disbelief coming from all of my frineds.
i don't know what to do anymore.
i just know i have to be good.
***
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
***
i feel like i never knew you.
***
everyone's got a center they depend on to keep them stable.
am glad mine's okay again. none na little quake. is all good once more.
now if i could just sleep.
***
...everything is quiet since you're not around & i live in the numbness now in the background i do the things we did before i walk haight street to the store & they say where's that crazy girl you don't get drunk on red wine & fight no more i don't see you anymore since the hospital the plans i make still have you in them cause you come swimming into view & i'm hanging on your words like i always used to do the words they use so lightly i only feel for you i only know because i carry you around in the background i'm in the background words they come & memories all repeat i lift your head while they change the hospital sheets & i would never lie to you i felt you long after we were through the plans i make still have you in them cause you come swimming into view & i'm hanging on your words like i always used to do the words they use so lightly i only feel for you i only know because i carry you around in the background cause i felt you long after we were through well you come swimming into view & i'm hanging on your words like i always used to do the words they use so lightly i only feel for you i only know because i'm way in the background...
the background
third eye blind
***
Monday, May 22, 2006
you are home. you are the one i've always ended running back to. please don't ruin this with your paranoia.
***
i swear, when it fricking rains it pours. wala man lang ba recovery period? give a girl time to bounce back naman oh - quit it with the onetwothree sucker combos already.
***
no big. *shrugs*
i did the pity party, i went on a bender, i ran up my phone bill, i wah'ed on slider's (surprisingly) supportive shoulder, i flirted shamelessly, i played videogames, and i slept.
now i'm facing the world again with a skip in my step, a song in my heart, and a nagging two-day-old hangover that just does not want to quit. picture that, if you can.
oo na nga, i went about this one all wrong. and i prolly could've dealt with it better too (who am i kidding?). but see, that's not the thing. at least i rassled with it in my own strange way and found some way to deal, topsyturvy though the attempt was.
cos that's me. hopelessly flawed, forever tangoing with denial, channeling polyanna with all that i've got. and i know the world doesn't always work the way i'd like it to, and that i won't always have the answers to the whygodwhyyyyyyyy questions that sneak up behind me and do their damndest to get me where it hurts, but as long as the sunshinesupergirl stays true to her heart (defiantly waving the brat flag high because i'm spiteful and stubborn like that), piss on everything else. yes, the brat is hard to handle, and yes, i really ought to work on that, even if just a leeetle bit. but still! to thine own heart be true, and all that. and i will be. because i know no other way to live and be happy.
much thanks to the sisters who stayed by my side when i doubted myself and reminded me to breathe, the friends who nursed my bruised ego by alternating between mouthing off epithets and kaya-mo-yan! cheercheers, and to the boys who reminded me how much fun it was to sparkle.
i'm back. i'm lucid (relatively). and once again oh so very much full of myself. it's a bit annoying that i had to be the posterchild of idiotic weenieness before i got this closer to fine, but what the hell, it's the price you pay when you allow control to slip from your grasp.
***
okay.
the workweek starts now. i got presentations to make, manuals to tweak, activities to plan, and applicants to terrorize. i gotta be a busy bee to make up for last week, and i gotta concentrate!
i AM concentrating.
honest.
REALLY.
in five minutes...
oooh! yosi break!
***
Thursday, May 18, 2006
about you hugging a guy and smiling. his back was turned and you were facing me so you knew i was there but you still kept on hugging him.
***
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
wahahahahahaha.
i love my sisters.
***
why should we try to be our best when we can just get by and still gain? why do we nod our heads although we know the boss is wrong as rain? why should we blaze a trail when the well worn path seems safe and so inviting? how, as we travel, can we see the dismay and keep from fighting? cages or wings, which do you prefer? ask the birds. fear or love, baby, don't say the answer actions speak louder than louder than, louder than words.
what does it take to wake up a generation? how can you make someone take off and fly? if we don't wake up and shake up the nation we'll eat the dust of the world, wondering why...
why do we stay with lovers who we know, down deep, just aren't right? why would we rather put ourselves through hell than sleep alone at night?
why do we follow leaders who never lead? why does it take catastrophe to start a revolution if we're so free? tell me why someone tell me why so many people bleed? cages or wings, which do you prefer? ask the birds. fear or love, baby, don't say the answer, actions speak louder louder than words.
JONATHAN LARSON
tick, tick...BOOM.
***
this song's been playing in my head ever since i woke up feeling like blah.
thank god i found the cd ritsi burnt for me a long time back.
and thank god for sweethearts like the one who texted me a while ago, cheering me up to no end without him even realizing it.
***
Monday, May 15, 2006
but when i trip and have fun i can't think of anything else. and then when i do start to think i start feeling very very guilty. and when i listen to the heart, i feel just horrible and resolve to be nicer, to be more true. but it doesn't always work like that, does it?
***
today doesn't promise to be a good day. i'm sortofakinda cranky and tired and altogether too grrish for my own good.
but i also found my waterbottle and i've just been "my dear princess"-ed and "mahal kong princessa"-ed (in an attempt to calm me down, i am so sure), so maybe it's going to be okay after all.
i hope. i'm not very nice when i'm grrish.
***
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
***
okay, the workweek starts....NOW!
***
Saturday, May 06, 2006
one town, one party
just kidding. it's actually "one town, one product".
the guy in back row, second to the left, reminded me an awful lot of the heart, lookswise.
it's a fun group. and, more importantly, we get stuff done. very expensive stuff, sure, but still, there's that awesome feeling of accomplishment. we have our monster hurdle to tackle the week after next - wish us luck!
***
Friday, May 05, 2006
rights are to whoever owns them. i just thought this was incredibly perfect for the men suck club.
***
What mythical beast best represents you?Take the quiz!
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am benign and possess a byootipul voice.
wahahahahaha.
***
my friend allan laughed at me yesterday because i didn't know how to spell commitment. hmph.
***
omg, i have the ultimate "penge pera" moment. the group i'm volunteering to help out has to ask the mayor to approve of our budget. i'm not in charge of the presentation or anything (thank my lucky starts and garters!), but i just saw myself going up to the mayor, blinking my puppy dog eyes, sticking my palm out, and going, "mayor, penge pera, please?"
mhay sitti also came up with an alternate spiel, which goes as thus:
chuck: mayor, people say i'm manipulative, and i know i'm not (hehehe - this author reserves the right to edit stuff as she durn well pleases), but this is manipulation for a good cause, so...*blinkieblinkie* penge pera!"
dianee also told me to sit on his lap, but that's just plain gross.
whatever. i'm not even sure if i can make it to the presentation - there's too much stuff to do at work. but i really hope everything works out. it's so exciting to be part of something bigger than anything i've ever known.
***
my daddy was an absolute sweetheart last night, and for that, he's getting donuts today. :)
***
ah, decisions, decisions!!! i'm kinda in between right now. do i make the logical choice or do i make the chuck choice? wah!
***
will stop thinking now and channel energy elsewhere. catch ya later.
***
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
(i know she meant it in a nice way, and there was a compliment there somewhere, so i'm not so upset, but really!)
and a couple of weeks ago, my sister says, oh, ate, i hope you find that special someone who will make you happy.
and i'm all, wtfffffff...
i am HAPPY. i have my distractions, my family, my job, my own little sparklies. if there's a guy out there strange enough to get along with me and vice versa, then great. if not, pshawitall. i've gone out with enough fuhgeddaboutits, and i know myself enough to know how quickly i fall only to fall out just as quickly. maybe the juice is right, and i'm too selfish to truly fall, but as my new bud allan says about the next girl he's going to get for a girlfriend, she'd better be all that for him to give up his freedom. it sounds a bit arrogant, sure, and there's this little voice that says (in all honesty, self-love aside) i'm not that great, how can i expect perfection?, but it's the truth, gedemit. what's that saying? better alone than badly accompanied? i've been badly accompanied so many times already - it's about time i did something about it, right?
NO MEN. i like having them around, sure, but i don't NEED them. not to feel complete, not to be happy, not for anything. i got the boys, i got my sisters - that's enough for me now. i don't really need the hassle of dealing with anyone right now. honest to betsy. and to suggest that i NEED to get a boyfriend to complete me is not only ridiculous, it's also somewhat insulting.
***
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
