<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v191/tsaki/523f197b.bmp">

i'm so cool - too bad i'm a loser. i'm so smart - too bad i can't get anything figured out. i'm so brave - too bad i'm a baby. i'm so fly. that's probably why it feels just like i'm falling for the first time.

i'm so green - it's really amazing. i'm so clean - too bad i can't get all the dirt off me. i'm so sane - it's driving me crazy. it's so strange. i can't believe it feels just like i'm falling for the first time.

anyone perfect must be lying. anything easy has it's cost. anyone plain can be lovely. anyone loved can be lost. what if i lost my direction? what if i lost sense of time? what if i nursed this infection? maybe the worst is behind.

it feels just like i'm falling for the first time.

i'm so chill, no wonder it's freezing. i'm so still, i just can't keep my fingers out of anything. i'm so thrilled to finally be failing. i'm so done - turn me over cos it feels just like i'm falling for the first time.

anything plain can be lovely...

***

love the bare naked ladies (the band. duh.). love love love. and this song has been on repeat for like forever. no real reason why. *blinkieblinkie* really. maybe i just like it cos it's so...chuck. yeah. there ya go.

life's been pretty owezam lately. work's exhausting but rewarding, family's ferpek, dad's health is stable, raya gave birth, gas is once again less than forty bucks, the weather's been nicely chill-ish, and my friends are still stellar. so i can honestly say at this moment everything is ayohkay, and i couldn't ask for anything more.

don't you just love it when things get all sparklyful? i do. just proves to show - give yourself permission to shine, and everything works out.

i'm not deluded (not much, anyhoo). i know things won't stay ferpek all the time. but for now, everything's owezam, and i am a happy happy little chuck.

***

* tsakiwaki made kwento @ 10/31/2006 08:32:00 AM

Thursday, October 19, 2006

snarky little b!tch goes, parang you're gaining weight.

whatever.

going on a diet is easy. regaining youth, transcending jologness, and growing back missing teeth is an entirely different story altogether. so there.

***

ged, i'm tired.

***

* tsakiwaki made kwento @ 10/19/2006 06:41:00 AM

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

ellis said,

just wanted to say that i miss you terribly. the way you smile, then burst into laughter. your perkiness. your playful mode. your sad side. god, i miss you...hope my text would not be miscontrued as flirting. am not, darling. fondly, i really miss you...

and it touched my heart. because i miss him too. i miss the way we'd talk, the times we'd hang and have a cigarette and a soda. i miss the way he'd seek me out everytime he knew i needed a shoulder to lean on, even though i wouldn't say anything to anyone. he was speshul that way, the fact that he just seemed to just KNOW i needed a friend.

it's funny. yesterday, kaye broke my heart, until i realized that i didn't have to give a flying eff anymore.

i really don't, you see.

about other things, too.

about things i thought i cared about.

about people i thought i could count on.

about relationships i always thought were so sure, so steady, so real, that no matter what, i could always go back.

thing is, things end for a reason. if the problem lay solely with you, and you really wanted things to work out, fine, go ahead, be my guest, FIX AS MUCH AS YOU CAN TO THE BEST OF YOUR ABILITY. spend the rest of your life making it up to the one you hurt, if it makes you feel better, and if you think it's worth it.

but sometimes, you really have to understand that the problem wasn't with you. that maybe it never was. that maybe, at one point, you have to stop blaming yourself and

just

let

go.

***

hey, what would you say if I can't play the hero tonight?

cos lately
i've been feelin' like i can't get anything right
i've been fading into the woodwork again & i'm feelin' like i just wanna hide

but guess what?

i'm gonna try something just a little bit different this time

I'M GONNA GIVE MYSELF PERMISSION TO SHINE

i'm gonna shine so bright
gonna make every head wanna turn

you're finally gonna see me give myself permission to shine

gonna light up the night, shine a little of my light on the world

i've been crazy
i've been holdin' myself back for so long
but i've got so much i can give
don't wanna be afraid to be wrong

you know i'm not too good at too many things but i've been gettin' real good at gettin' down on myself

but guess what?

i'm gonna try to break free from this prison I've built

i'm gonna give myself permission to shine...

***

* tsakiwaki made kwento @ 10/11/2006 06:04:00 AM