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going to spill the beans.
heads will roll if my ass is grass, is all i have to say about that. i mean, cmon. a chuck's gotta have her secrets!!!
Thursday, May 27, 2004
Wednesday, May 26, 2004
the problem with being a narcissist (asides from the obvious) is that no one else but someone like your own self will do.
i am sleepy, lightheaded, and a week away from getting my period. i can be as full of myself as i want.
unless, of course, you've managed to delude yourself into thinking otherwise.
i could almost feel sorry for you.
it's aliw when your horoscope agrees with the decisions you make while pms-ing.
Tuesday, May 25, 2004
drink 10 bottles of beer, smash the last one over your head. it should be a little to your left once your vision clears. that'll be p500 please.
you're a crap therapist. :p i'm not paying you jack.
advanced stage of idiot syndrome. might have to operate if jackhammer therapy doesn't work.
*sigh*
you're welcome. come back next week. and remember, an apple a day keeps the fruit vendors paid.
you're so weird...
well, my sexual prowess is considered legendary, if a bit unorthodox. isn't that right, my invisible, cultured 20-foot tall tomato friend?
uh. what exactly are you on, dear?
vitamins!
damn. you should cut down a bit, i think.
but they're good for you! i buy them cheap at this grocery in the 3rd plane of hell. you know that asmodeus is actually a vegetarian? he makes a mean salad. he flavors his salad croutons with basil and marjoram. absolutely to die for! and his taste in wines is impeccable. now that's a man's devil right there.
*sighs for the millionth time* you really MUST get help. think of the children.
the children are fine, thank you. they're happy, intelligent, and able to summon minor familiars occasionally.
i really don't understand how we became friends.
all creatures of the nether regions can smell each other out. if they don't immediately rip each other's spines out and devour the other. they become friends. of course, that could also mean that they were full when they met. but what are the chances of that?
nether regions ka dyan. am an angel, thankyouverymuch.
i see. imps can dream, can't they? unlike us glabrezu who can only disembowel and amass gold. not that i don't like your impness. i think you have a nice tail.
why, thank you. it IS purty, isn't it? i swear, old man, YOU'RE SO WEIRD! you're funny, i'll give you that. demented, but still funny.
i say that there's more to life in hell that brimstone, feces, and torturing the damned, and being raped by succubi. it's up to us to make a difference.
a demon with a mission. now that's interesting. you crack me up. you really do.
there at least should be internet cafes, barn dances, and a sears, i think.
and a petting zoo? :)
yes, for the children. i'd also like another flavor of bubble gum other than burning lava. and must the spas charge so high to be raked over hot coals?
strange strange you. now shoo. must sleep. lots of hapless souls to torture tonight. gnyty, grams. when you're ready for psychological help, let me know.
may you disembowel and happily devour every sheep you dream about.
***
ladies and gentlemen, i give you squawk.
Saturday, May 22, 2004
no wonder people say i'm spoiled.
***
twenty years ago, a little itty bitty baby boy was born. big sister was very excited about this. she peeked through the window of the nursery and eagerly looked for him. when she found him, she tugged on her mum's skirt, whispering, "mummy, look! isn't he just the tiniest little thing you've ever seen? i'm going to love him for the rest of my life."
fast forward through all the headaches and crazy times. he's no longer the tiniest little thing she's ever seen. he's all grown up now. close to gurang, even. capable of pissing her off, too. but she's still going to love him for the rest of her life. that is, if she doesn't wring his neck from frustration any time soon.
happy birthday, bulletstrat. your present's in the batwum.
Thursday, May 20, 2004
Where are my rock-and-roll-ers and out-of-control-ers?!?
Wednesday, May 19, 2004
three months sober, baybeeee! ha.ha.HA! that's the longest i've gone since...um...since...that time...no, that wasn't...hmmm. come to think of it, i think that's the longest i've gone. ever. and i'm not even craving, not in the oh-dear-lord-i-need-a-drink-now kind of way, complete with the quivers. how cool is that? i wasn't really an alcoholic after all. hurrah hurrah!
three months sober! three stars and a cookie for me! burr promised he was going to take me makeup shopping if i got through a year without alcohol. the way i see it, he's got around 9 months to save up s'more, cos this girl's makeup does not come cheap, partick when someone else is buying. *evil grin*
the-squawk-formerly-known-as-u thinks i won't make it. he goes, "i know you. it won't last. just remember, next time, tank yourself up or the car. not both."
hmph. i'll show him. pthththththththt.
I'LL SHOW THEM ALL!
:)
Tuesday, May 18, 2004
around life's empty meaning
i find myself entranced
the lights of love and friendship
twinkling in my silent flight
and there it is that light
look at it dance
look at it play
where does its cheerfulness come from?
i watch it
a smile escaped my lips
such a pretty little thing
where does your cheerfulness come from?
all around me
beyond the twinkling lights
there is nothing but gloomy darkness
where does its cheerfulness come from?
and then it zips
from above me it zings
it comes to my ear and whispers
"i have a pink pony. it has purple wings!"
it puzzles me
to see such a thing
its happiness comes
in such a little thing
i then turn to look
and observe the other lights
they too are moving
in their own quiet life
i look at myself
and begin to feel a glow
i am also shining
and see life's great big show
gone is the abyss
all around me is a light
i look for the little light
but it has gone out of sight
a smile is on my lips
a gift from the little light
"my sunshine..." i say
and take off into life
MY SUNSHINE
burr
***
i love my burrburr. isn't he just the bestest? :)
Monday, May 17, 2004
lifehouse
***
just because i'm thankful to be single it doesn't mean i don't care.
during the drive home, i was thinking how much i used to look forward to our sunday afternoons together, when i'd go to his place, have lunch with him and his brother, and then just hang for the entire afternoon. during my drama queen days, he used to be my haven, the first person i'd run to when the shit would hit the fan, my babysitter and de-stressor all conveniently put together in the package that was pest.
and he still is, in a way. it's still good being with him. it's still comfortable, it's still safe. he's like the childhood home you remember, the one you get nostalgic for in the wee small hours of the morning.
it's just not the same anymore, though. i used to get upset with the fact that he outgrew me so easily - i didn't see till recently that it went both ways pala.
i'm still glad i have him around, though. he's a good guy. the world could use more men like him.
***
speaking of good guys, an old friend, he-who-dubbed-me-chuck, ever-so-nicely surprised me with a text last saturday. don't you just love it when people you care about pop out of the woodwork to say hi-hello-watsup-how-ya-doing-i-missed-you-too?
***
lost the puppies, except for akiva, to some strange fine-one-day-blag-the-next kind of illness. was very tragic. for a moment, it was touch-and-go for her, too. am very happy to report that she seems to have regained her strength, and is back to gnawing on toes again.
Thursday, May 13, 2004
***
watched big fish over the past weekend, and cried like a baby. what an unbelievably beautiful movie. sorry to wiff for ruining the ending for him though.
Wednesday, May 12, 2004
heart says to expect the worst one of these days, so that, in the unfortunate event it happens, i'd be prepared. and i know he's right. it's just, everything's going so great lately.
i can't believe i'm getting paid to be this happy. :)
Monday, May 10, 2004
***
well, the deed is done. i have just voted for someone i do not want to win, all in the attempt to keep someone else from winning. how pathetic, how sad. coupled with the fact that i have just ruined my manicure, sometimes i wonder why i even bother voting when this will all end in cheating anyway.
i mean, will it really make a difference? honestly?
on the upside, i saw an old friend who was doing the rounds as a poll watcher thingymajigger. chatted for a few, caught up on old times, and then left. it was nice seeing him, though, my original boyjoy. i remember one time, years ago, at a birthday party our friends gave for us (we shared the same day), while the others were off somewhere getting shitfaced, we were sitting on the floor of our friend's garage, polishing off a bottle of absolut between us, leaning against the wall, and very very very drunkenly singing happy birthday to ourselves.
ah, memories.
Saturday, May 08, 2004
akiva, schuyler, josephine's, and med's
schuyler, my special little boy, and the runt of the litter
med's and josephine's
haven't got a solo pic of akiva. she's the most fidgety little puppy there ever was.
you may not have heard from me in a while, but today i just wanted to say thank You.
thank You for covering my back when my own idiocy had exposed it to the world to take shots at. thank You for the family, beloved, and friends that have kept me (relatively)grounded, (slightly)sane and (ever-so)sunshiny all these years. thank You for everything i've gone through, experiences both awesome and sucky, because they've brought me to where i am today.
mostly, though, i want to say thank You for this new opportunity that's come my way. i hope i do okay. diyahe kasi if i don't, eh, and there are some people whom i really want to make proud. since this is going to be something i've never done before, i'm really not quite sure how i'm supposed to go about it, but i'll try to act as professional as i possibly can, i promise.
last night, it rained hard, after ages and ages of chuckey-baking heat. i stood in the drizzle for a little bit, palms upturned to catch the falling drops. haven't done that in such a long time, yknow, and it felt really good. Your nightsky looked exceptionally pretty, too, velvety-dark with heaps upon heaps of fluffy clouds. high five to You, God, You've made another solid sight. i'm glad i was in the right frame of mind to appreciate it.
that's all for now, God. thank You, thank You, thank You! i'll write again soon.
xoxo,
little chuckey
batch 1978
Thursday, May 06, 2004
and just because the higher-ups here are so dear to my heart, i'm going to go the distance and throw in a couple of little extras at no added cost, namely:
1.) write for my blog
2.) twiddle my thumbs (very productive)
3.) preen before my little mirror (not quite as productive as thumb twiddling, but the sight of one's own face can be quite calming)
4.) buff my nails till they're at their shinyshimmerysplendidest
5.) decorate my headset (prettypretty!)
6.) pluck my eyebrows (hopefully will not go overboard or will have to get them tattoed in manner of highschool home ec teacher).
7.) retouch my makeup every hour on the hour. not that anyone worthwhile can appreciate it, but you'll never know, the lust of your life always pops up when you look your shittiest, and that's a fact.
8.) alternate between freezing at a temperature where even a she-polar bear's nips could cut glass, or lounging about in a sauna-like environment with approximately 300 other people in an area around the size of shopwise's produce deparment
9.) wish i was somewhere else (like on a deserted white sand beach, baking in the sun, sipping on a virgin pina colada, with steven tyler/rob thomas/brad pitt/ken watanabe/johnny depp/mark mcgrath/hugh jackman serenading me in the background with an acoustic guitar while asking me what to name our unborn children).
10.) play my favorite game (what would i do if i had a gajillion dollars?).
11.) trudge to the pantry to mix my everlasting supply of extra joss.
12.) make frequent trips to the bathroom due to diuretic nature of extra joss.
13.) perfect my stick-drawing artistic ability.
14.) listen to medora sing the carolina jingle (the secret of byoooteee...)
15.) pick on burr, just because i wub him.
16.) listen to the girl across me massacre maroon 5's this love.
17.) read about buddhism (critical for keeping peace of mind).
18.) yawn. yawn a lot. but not because i'm sleepy. or, god forbid, bored. it's just that i've heard it was good exercise for facial muscles, so why not give it a go?
not only will i be keeping both my blood pressure and sanity at a nice healthy level, but this way, no one can accuse me of being an ingrate-slash-slacker. i work for my paycheque, dammit!
you really can't imagine how exciting this all is. I CAN'T WAIT FOR THE REST OF THIS THRILLING WEEK!!!
disclaimer: lest i get fired for being such an inutil rep, i would like to make 2 things perfectly clear. 1.) i DO work and put considerable effort into what they pay me to do. some days, however, you can do everything INCLUDING dance the hula, and there will still be jack you can do to shine. take it personally, and it's a guaranteed trip to apeshitville. 2.) my immediate supervisors are dolls and more than competent. it's the majorly higher-ups that leave me feeling a bit iffy.
***
much thanks to the burr i love. some people suffer to be beautiful, you suffered to make me smile. you're a peach, and i WILL make this up to you in my own strange way. besides, it looks good, anyhoo, and once the pain wears off, you'll realize that i was right in doing what i did.
Tuesday, May 04, 2004
you have been weirding me out for a pretty long time now. either you call me baby (quite inappropriate, by the way), or you're asking me out (you're married, you freak). the last time you "tried" to ask me out, i told you quite firmly that i didn't go out anymore, and you said it was okay, you were just going to visit me at home. uh. right. i don't think so.
i don't like it when you beso me, and i feel your lips on my cheek. to tell you the truth, it's gross. i can take that from REALLY good friends, but you're far from being that, so please, a little distance, if you don't mind?
not to say that i don't like you, freakishness and all. i'm sure you're a very nice person, somewhere deep down inside. i'm just not going to go out of my way to find the normal side of you, is all.
however, a piece of advice?
the way to a girl's heart is not through porn. you don't score much points by telling her she's gaining weight, either.
just thought you'd want to know.
ever so sincerely,
chuckeydoodles
p.s. it would be nice if you stopped smelling my hair, too. thank you.
Monday, May 03, 2004
go on
or
give up
hold on
or
let go
stay
or
leave
bt
its comforting
2 knw
dt...
god
remains
faithful
whichever way we go
***
she says she's fine. and i believe her. but i worry. faith can only take you so far.
meet frankie. oh so gorgeous frankie. :)
Sunday, May 02, 2004
thank you, lauren!!!
btw, that's raya, around 8 months ago. :)
no shit. frankie was delivered last thursday, and today, i finally got to take him out for a ride (i'm talking more than just backing up and going forward in my garage, which i've been doing out of sheer gigil). took him for a spin around my village, with mum and dad along. beautiful. just beautiful. it took me five years to get to this point, but the new-car smell alone makes it worth it. :)
***
was watching cnn's music room at two in the morning (don't even get me started on my erratic sleeping habits, it's ridiculous), and they were doing a feature on down under rock groups. rock is back, the nicole-kidman-lookalike host announced triumphantly.
most excellent. the thing is, i never realized it was gone.
first one who thinks i'm getting old gets a bone pointed at him/her. i mean it. :p
***
so 1 2 3 take my hand and come with me because you look so fine and i really wanna make you mine i say you look so fine and i really wanna make you mine oh 4 5 6 c'mon and get your kicks now you don't need that money when you look like that do ya honey big black boots long brown hair she's so sweet with her get back stare well i could see you home with me but you were with another man yeah i know we ain't got much to say before i let you get away yeah i said are you gonna be my girl well so 1 2 3 take my hand and come with me because you look so fine and i really wanna make you mine i say you look so fine that i really wanna make you mine oh 4 5 6 c'mon and get your kicks now you dont need that money with a face like that do ya big black boots long brown hair she's so sweet with her get back stare well i could see you home with me but you were with another man yeah i know we ain't got much to say before i let you get away yeah i said are you gonna be my girl oh yeah oh yeah c'mon i could see you home with me but you were with another man yeah i know we ain't got much to say before i let you get away yeah be my girl be my girl are you gonna be my girl?
jet
Saturday, May 01, 2004
of course you do. everybody does, but-
exactly my point. i'm consulting a lawyer tomorrow.
tomorrow? shouldn't you give yourself time to think things over? i don't think you should be making decisions while you're mad.
i'm not mad. i'm just fed up. don't tell my mom and my dad. i don't want them to worry. she blows me a kiss through the phone. gotta go now. talk to you soon.
so i'm left holding the phone, dialtone buzzing in my ear, mentally quoting a character from a cameron crowe movie. HAVE FUN. STAY SINGLE. people who get married for the wrong reasons hardly ever do the happily-ever-after thing, i see.
the thing is, the wrong reason just so happens to be lil ole me.