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Thursday, November 25, 2004
bad company
***
this song has been playing in my head the entire day for no reason whatsoever. maybe i just miss it all of a sudden, i don't know.
***
how and why do people exert so much negative energy hating someone and letting thoughts of that someone consume them? i don't get it. they say the opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference, and i've always believed that. so where does hate come from, exactly?
***
tonight's sanity's big preem night, and i'm glued to my station at work, going over one excel spreadsheet after another, getting cross-eyed in the process. there is something very very wrong with this picture, don't you think?
i need a beer.
Tuesday, November 23, 2004
***
i mean, honestly.
what is it about men that they can render women who are smart, sassy, and spunky into an overwrought mess of tears and raw bleeding emotions?
grrr. okay, fine. lest i be accused of starting a male-bashing rant here, let me rephrase that. what is it about this so-called love?
you pine. you mope. you feel like crap. you burst into hysterical sobs at the drop of a hat. you get jealous. you start doubting yourself. am i not pretty/sexy/wonderful/smart/captivating enough? you imagine things wherein your happy-ever-after with your prince abruptly gets interrupted by another princess from another kingdom far far away. or maybe he already has a princess, and you're just number two (or three or four or five), and you hate it, but you'll take what you can get cause you want him that much and you're hoping, maybe, just maybe, if you're devoted and stick around long enough, he'll start seeing you in the same rosy-hued glow you see him.
then the lying starts. the "she's-just-a-friend" bullshit. or maybe he doesn't call, and you go ballistic. he tells you he's busy at work/school, but you notice how he has time for his friends and family and other commitments, but not for you. he disappears, and along with him goes your sanity and any semblance of reason whatsoever.
i don't know. maybe i just haven't felt so much for anyone lately i've forgotten the rollercoaster of truly falling in love all over again. the boy was a rush and a half but that faded pretty fast. the heart is good, but he's constant - he makes me feel cozy more than he fires me up.
i just don't like seeing my girlfriends hurting, you know? personally, i don't mind getting hurt because i know it doesn't take much for me to get over it. a couple of pairs of shoes, a shopping trip or two, or maybe even just a long bubblebath after my hissy fits, and i'll be peachy keen due to the fact that i've been blessed with the mutant ability to heal quick, emotions-wise. i don't mind so much if it's me, because i really do have shit for brains when it comes to men, and i am admittedly stupid when it comes to making certain decisions as far as they're involved (which is why i've decided to stop this dating nonsense altogether - too much hassle involved, as i found out the last time i dipped my little toe into the dating pool).
but my girlfriends are another story. i don't have that many to begin with, and i really do think the world of them. i may whine and bitch about them at one point or another (don't lie, you bitch about your girlfriends, too - it's part of being a girl), but when push comes to shove, i got their backs just like the way i know they have mine.
thing is, girls are tricky to deal with. men are a breeze - they have a problem, you tell them how stupid they are, where they went wrong, buy them a couple of beers, talk about it a little, maybe and that's enough. women are a little more fragile, with psyches that must be handled with care at all costs.
but seriously. call a spade a fricking bloody shovel, right?
some men aren't worth it, and for the love of pete, nobody should ever settle for less than the best they deserve.
fool me once, shame on you. fool me twice, shame on me.
Monday, November 22, 2004
Nor the furious winter's rages;
Thou thy worldly task hast done,
Home art gone, and ta'en thy wages;
Golden lads and girls all must,
As chimney-sweepers, come to dust.
Fear no more the frown o' the great;
Thou art past the tyrant's stroke:
Care no more to clothe and eat;
To thee the reed is as the oak:
The sceptre, learning, physic, must
All follow this, and come to dust.
Fear no more the lightning-flash,
Nor the all-dreaded thunder-stone;
Fear not slander, censure rash;
Thou hast finished joy and moan;
All lovers young, all lovers must
Consign to thee, and come to dust.
No exorciser harm thee!
Nor no witchcraft charm thee!
Ghost unlaid forbear thee!
Nothing ill come near thee!
Quiet consummation have;
And renowned be thy grave!
William Shakespeare
***
whiteflash.
boy and girl are sitting on the steps of their school building, sharing a doob. boy looks at girl with mischievous grin and says in his lazy drawl, "if the cops pass by and you're holding it, you gotta swallow it, okay?"
whiteflash.
boy, girl, and other friends are getting sloshed on the balcony of girl's house. boy hears call of nature, but is too lazy to go into the house and use the loo like a regular person. boy clambers on top of the balustrade and, facing the street, grandly takes a long piss.
whiteflash.
boy, girl, and other friends are getting sloshed once again. girl is dizzy, she just wants to sleep. boy is having a pretty good time. boy tells girl, "i will forever have your back." boy stands up and points randomly at different people in the crowd. "any of these motherfuckers here hurt you, i'll kick their ass, i swear i will."
fade to black.
***
in the end, all we have are memories. and regrets.
here's to the irreplaceable felster, a warrior wildman with one of the best hearts i have ever known. home art gone, and ta'en thy wages. you weren't a masamang damo, after all.
***
fare thee well my bright star it was a brief brilliant miracle of life that which i looked up to and i clung to for dear life had to burn itself up just to make itself alive i caught you then in your moment of glory your last dramatic scene against a night sky stage with a memory so clear it's as if you're still before me my once in a lifetime star of an age...
Wednesday, November 17, 2004
i'm at work! wait lang!
please call. it's important!
*ringring*
this better be good!
how are you going home?
my tito's picking me up.
wag na!
so how do you expect me to go home?
well, i was thinking i could pick you up, we could have dinner, then i'll bring you home.
***
the heart isn't one for surprises. which was what made yesterday very very very special. i raced around the office like a hamster on speed after he told me he was in town, even interrupting the burr in the midst of a training session to tell him the news (very unprofessional, i know, but he did have the decency to jump up and down in glee with me. besprens really do make the world go round.).
so we had dinner at the oyster bar and it was nice. it wasn't overly exciting. it wasn't kilig-worthy. but we were comfortable beyond compare.
to quote high fidelity, it was good.
whether it's going to be enough this time around still remains to be seen. he's leaving next month to defend my so-called freedom, and if i can't deal with him being in the mountains, how much more would i be able to take it with oceans in between?
bahala na. whatever goes, goes.
***
you can't make your heart feel something it won't.
the other boy made me sad today. he goes, i hope you'll be happy. i wanted to be that person in your life sana.
can not be. should not be. the other boy's a great guy - he's just not for me.
of course, i don't exactly know what "for me" is, really. fickle woman, thy name is chuck.
Friday, November 12, 2004
marc broussard
Tuesday, November 09, 2004
gloria gaynor
***
it's not enough that i have your eyes.
and your ass (like i need another reason to resent you, right?).
and that your blood rushes through my veins (no amount of vodka can flush it out, trust me, i've tried).
the last thing i want to continue is carry your name.
to pass it on to my children.
i'm through with you.
you can be stupid by yourself.
but if you think for one second the women of this family will allow you to treat them with such utter lack of respect and regard, you got another thing coming, bub.
so, go, already. shoo, little worm.
you've made your bed.
may you never find the peace you should've have had with her had you been man enough to stand by your vows and responsibilities.
p.s. thanks for remembering, shit-for-brains.
***
leave him, i told you. it's been too long. it's been too much. reclaim yourself, reclaim who you are, let it go.
***
i am proud to see you stand so strong.
Tuesday, November 02, 2004
cooshkin
***
there are people who you meet once and form a bond so tight and so true with, it doesn't matter whether you see each other once a week or once a year - because every single time you do, everything's good, everything's right, and you're yourself and happy and comfortable and real.
the first time we met, he gave me a heart, i gave him a flower, and we've been great friends ever since.
and now he's leaving. greener pastures and all that. and i know it's weird, considering that before last saturday, it was at the beginning of the year when i saw him last. but i'll miss him. heaps upon heaps upon heaps.
best of luck, bro. be good, be safe, and keep in touch.
much love,
charley
hootie & the blowfish
i thought endorphins were supposed to make you happy? and that happy people don't kill people and stuff? well, if i had my way, a couple few would be strangled right about now. trust me, if i could get away with it, i'd do it - with a little diabolical smile of glee on my bedimpled face.
yes, it might be a good idea to stay far far far away from me right about now.