<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v191/tsaki/523f197b.bmp">

omg! omg! omg! blast from the past! look what mimi gave me!!!!

teehee!

***

i miss my long hair. oh well. gimme a couple of months!

***

* tsakiwaki made kwento @ 6/29/2006 01:07:00 AM

happy birthday to the strongest tough-as-nails ballbreaker i know, the one who taught me that happiness can be found everywhere and anywhere, the original hope&strength chick who spawned the sunshinesupergirl, the bulletstrat, and the whitesheep beetootee all in one generation (lordy, woman, what hast thou wrought upon this world?).

i am proud to be yours, to hear you calmly challenge life to bring it on, and to watch as you stand your ground with strength whilst staying true to all that you are without taking cr@p from anyone.

i love you, mamma.

***

teehee, mamma, you're gurang na.

***

* tsakiwaki made kwento @ 6/29/2006 12:14:00 AM

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

here's what i have to say about this one.

i feel protected and alaga'd and treasured and it's nice.

so is this whole taking-it-slow thing.

i still don't know what i want. but i'm enjoying the moment. because it's good for me this time around.

***

this was TOTALLY unplanned, by the hoo. or expected.

***

* tsakiwaki made kwento @ 6/27/2006 07:28:00 PM

Monday, June 26, 2006

well, only sometimes.

***

drove again to cavite earlier. i'd almost forgotten how awesome driving can be. the open road, window down, smoking a cig, pedal to the metal...it's very calming.

and of course, i way ohsoimpressed with myself for finding my way again.

Scorpio: Sometimes the best way to move forward with someone is to
stand still for a while.

i remember my driver rey - the one who taught me how to drive, telling me one thing. it's not something that i've applied well over the years, but during my long drive, i couldn't help but remember him saying that anyone can drive fast, but it takes skill and control to go slow.

go figure.

***

i've said it before, and i'll say it again. i love my job. it's such a natural high, i swear. :)

***

* tsakiwaki made kwento @ 6/26/2006 10:55:00 PM

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

*giggles*

i kilig.

***

* tsakiwaki made kwento @ 6/21/2006 10:50:00 PM

YOU DON'T MAKE MY GIRLFRIENDS CRY, YOU STOOPID BOY.

you just don't.

fricking scumbag - i hope you rot.

***

* tsakiwaki made kwento @ 6/21/2006 05:05:00 AM

i know i'm okay now. i know the drive cleared my mind somewhat.

but still.

he was there earlier when i needed him to be.

and this is it.

i know i'm going to be able to deal with this.

all i gotta say is this.

you can't pick who you fall in love with.

and if he doesn't feel the same, screwitall. it's something that can be handled. thing is - a girl can deny it only for so long. basta, i'm being honest about the whole damned thing. as lame as it may be on my end.

***

i'm still flying, by the hoo. just because inamin ko na out loud doesn't mean my wings are clipped.

***

* tsakiwaki made kwento @ 6/21/2006 03:19:00 AM

Monday, June 19, 2006

sometimes, before you find your way back, you have to get lost first.

it helps to ask for directions when this happens, by the way. and when you have friends who want you to find your way back, it's just awesome.

so there i was, with one bar left on my mobile's battery life, driving from cavite back to manila all by myself. as anyone who knows me can attest, i am cr@p at navigation, and i was *thisclose* to panicking. trust me, if i wasn't conserving my battery's life, i would've called yabbadoeeyabey and started shrieking at the top of my everloving lungs, howling like a fishmonger, because he had to leave me behind.

so i'm driving along, thinking, sh!t, did i pass this way already? or does that building on my right look familiar just because i've already passed it, oh, i don't know, maybe a million times already, whilst circling around, trying to figure out where the hoo i was?

and then, the most amazing thing happened.

I FOUND MY WAY.

one moment, i was trailing chicken buses, and the next thing i knew, i was cruising along coastal road, back into familiar territory.

which was when it hit me.

if i can find my way out of a seemingly wah-help-me-i'm-totally-lost situation like the one i was in earlier, i can do ANYTHING.

the sunshine supergirl is back with a vengeance.

watch me fly.

cos i CAN.

***

* tsakiwaki made kwento @ 6/19/2006 11:07:00 PM

this daddy's girl would like to greet all the great dads out there a happy father's day!!!

***

and who the kupalic dads out there who exist as well, this is for you bast@rds.

***

postcards from postsecret.

***

* tsakiwaki made kwento @ 6/19/2006 11:00:00 PM

Thursday, June 15, 2006

omg am on such a major training high it's fricking unbelievable. i'm exhausted and stressed but the adrenaline is keeping me so pumped it's actually hard for me to sleep when i get home at the end of the day.

i hope this lasts, at least for the next month, cos if i think it's crazyhectic now, it's going to get much much much busier within the coming weeks.

p.s. wish me luck detoxing. i'm going to go for a month without the booze. my liver's starting to complain na.

also thought about quitting yo for a bit, but i'm scared of falling asleep behind the wheel if i do, so forget that.

song currently playing in the background: love comes walking in by van halen. i love mimi and her sounds but i need a good ol' fashioned riff now and then. now, thanks to the peppers and the ohsowonderful it men i'm lucky enough to work with, i'm going to have just that. wahoo wahoo!!!!

***

* tsakiwaki made kwento @ 6/15/2006 01:25:00 AM

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

oooh, is BRILLIANT!!!!

now i can STILL have my coffee and my beer!!!

yay me!!!

***

* tsakiwaki made kwento @ 6/13/2006 07:29:00 PM

Monday, June 12, 2006

so. i'm having a truly crap day, right?

kuya marky made me cry pa. :( but it was a good cry, one of those ineedtogetthisoffmychest kind of thing. it was the song that did it, i guess.

but thank you, kuya. you're the best ever.

thanks too to vinceywinceyspaydah for running away with me to starbucks when i realized what a crap day i was going to have at work.

i love my friends.

***

Lately I can tell that something ain't right
I don't see the fire when I look in your eyes
One time up, and the next time down
This may be the last time that you see me around, said

Well it sure seems to me nothing matters tonight
And all those things we worked out, they got lost in the fight
It's not enough, girl, that I gave you my soul
I just want to know if we've got anything left at all, and I say

Chorus:
Hold on now, baby.
This could be the last time we stand
This could be the last time that we say good-bye
The picture shatters
I can't find the words to save it
Tell me what to do, how can I make it right
We will always be fire and ice

Well promises made in the heat of the night
You could sure spit them out, girl, but they've long passed me by
Nobody knows about the show you put me through
This could be the last time that I get through to you

Chorus

Well I can't stand to see no more damage done
But you'll never understand until you suffer some, and I said....

Chorus

***

my kuya said, "don't let anyone take you down.....make you feel down, or less of your self...... coz you're all that in my book...."

hee. he's all that too.

I LOVE YOU KUYA!!!

***

* tsakiwaki made kwento @ 6/12/2006 08:04:00 PM

...tiger, tiger, burning bright.
can't balance sh!t to save her life... *

things have to change around here.

and trust me, i'm working on it.

i just need time.

***

* with apologies to william blake for mangling his pome.

***

from the angel's blog:

AKB said that there are moments when we feel like that (unhappy with work, the workplace, the people you work with ) and we tend to runaway and search for our "happiness". but if the feeling keeps on coming back even after you've tried a lot of times to alleviate it, then maybe the real problem lies in you.

and i'm thinking, yeah.

i just need a boost, is all. the right one this time. something that actually means something and isn't just sparkly and pretty and babaw as hey.

***

* tsakiwaki made kwento @ 6/12/2006 03:06:00 PM

Saturday, June 10, 2006

"...it's better to knock a boy down than hurt his feelings if you must do something..."

davy to marilla
anne of avonlea
l.m. montgomery

***

i'm sorry if i hurt your feelings.

but i'm still mad at you.

and i'm a b!tch like that, you see.

thing is, i've got too much on my plate right about now.

and i'll be damned if i let you mess up my focus. it's bad enough i'm worried sick about you, you know.

make up your mind, then get back to me.

i don't promise to wait, but i'll see what i can do.

***

* tsakiwaki made kwento @ 6/10/2006 03:29:00 AM

Thursday, June 08, 2006

i'm not thinking about you.

and i'm not thinking about you either.

there's nothing left to think about eh.

***

* tsakiwaki made kwento @ 6/08/2006 10:35:00 PM

i fell in love with him from the very beginning. how could i not? he was so perfect, so helpless, and he was mine. i had to take care of him. he was speshul. i was alone for five years tilll he came along, and when he did, i knew without a doubt that i was going to watch out for him for the rest of my life.

over the years, we had our share of good moments and bad. and it would've been so easy to just give up, say screwitall, and walk away.

but he was mine. and i had to take care of him.

and now, he's gone and done something so permanent, and i'm scared that he might end up with a world of regret. that he may be getting in way over his head.

but you have to let them go sometime to make their own decisions.

i love him with all that i have. and it made me cry when he asked me if i was still mad at him. like it mattered. like he was afraid i'd turn my back on him. like i even could.

i love him. he's mine, all mine. and although i can't give my approval to this state of affairs, i'm still going to stay by his side, through hell or high water.

that's what big sisters do for their baby brothers, after all.

***

i swear, bulletstrat, you dumb@ss, i love you, but i can't believe you actually went through with this.

***

* tsakiwaki made kwento @ 6/08/2006 10:13:00 PM

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

when it comes to career, i've been blessed to have been able to work for people who i truly adore and respect (with the exception of one in the past who i couldn't stand - he had LOUSY people skills and an awful smirk, but that's another story, really).

what makes my job so awesomely fun are my sisters, my daddies, and my kids. sure, the sched's crazymad, but it goes with the territory, and though i may b!tch, it's no big because gedemit, I LOVE MY JOB.

but now i'm going to lose my two daddies - one's leaving me, and the other - well, let's just say i'm going to be taken away from him. this feels horrible.

the other day i was reading an article, one of those advice column thingymabobbers, and some chick was writing about how she hated her boss, how she was hating working for a woman cos she felt that a woman boss couldn't understand her. and i was thinking, wahwahwah - if you're professional enough, you'll be able to deal with it. i realize i'm one to talk cos i whine and wheedle my way into a whole lot of things, but in my defense, i do have to say that i back it up with real honesttobetsy quality work.

i'm just feeling a bit iffy about the situation that's about to happen now, is all. it could be a good thing, it could be a bad thing - i just have to wait and see. no real judgement just yet. wait and see. wait and see. WAIT AND SEE.

you know that general feeling of ick that i had last week, though?

still not going away now.

***

pero dive into work pa rin ako. cos it's what i have to do.

***

* tsakiwaki made kwento @ 6/06/2006 02:25:00 AM

Monday, June 05, 2006

don't breathe too deep
don't think all day
dive into work
DRIVE THE OTHER WAY
that drip of hurt
that pint of shame goes away
JUST PLAY THE GAME

***

* tsakiwaki made kwento @ 6/05/2006 09:56:00 PM

Friday, June 02, 2006

me, my sister mimi, and my everpresent eyebags. i'm still trying to figure out the angle of this one cos it looks like my head's screwed on backwards (literally).

wah. i need to sleep. like, seriously.

***

* tsakiwaki made kwento @ 6/02/2006 03:21:00 AM

ganito nalang.

i'm tired of thinking.

i'm tired of this whole misplaced guilt craff.

i know who i love.

and i also know i have to have my fun.

so i will have both.

and if that screws things up somewhere down the line, i will do the chuck thing, cry, shop, imbibe massive amounts of alcohol, turn to the boys, AND DEAL.

cause that's just me.

and if there's a problem with that, piss off already.

cos i don't want to analyze anything anymore.

***

* tsakiwaki made kwento @ 6/02/2006 02:52:00 AM